Imaginative Title to do with angst
by AmberAllyCat
Summary: Merlin's father was not the best one out there. Neither was his mother. The world in the dark ally ensnared his senses before returning to his childhood pal Arthur. Arthur forgot him and has no idea how, now he is shocked by what had been happening under his very own nose. Slash fic, some character death (not murthur character) Oh drugs are mentioned so is murder and slash.


**AN:** Sooo.. I have posted this, I do hope people like- Apologies to the readers reading this that have read my incomplete story- I sorta hit a bloke and it will continue at some point. To new comers :) WELCOME! You will find insanity to your left and a cool glass of twisted to your right. Add a dash of weirdness and your cocktail is near ready. I hope you enjoy your stay. All comments are allowed positive ones are preferred. Say if continuation is WANTED.

 **WARNINGS:** Slash, gore(ish) , some death, some self hate like stuff, slash, emo (I think?), ohh drugs and jocks. Slash , self harm, abuse, Slash, no Beta, clinically place and did I mention slash?

 **MORE AN:** I think I got it all? If not I apologize . READ _ HAVE FUN _ REVIEW _ DON'T DO THIS AT HOME_ ohh disclaimer thingie : Um I no own but i own what is mine not what isn't mine .. you have been here long enough to know- no sue.

 _ **MERLIN**_

Merlin was the 'new' kid. Ha right more like the 'fucked-up -lost-back-in-town-because-he-was-out-of-hidding' kid. Not that people knew that. Merlin had been a quiet kid, not making trouble in class... When he was in class, he had almost no friends and the ones he did have he lost in middle school. Then shit had happened and it has been 3 years since he was even in town. A small town with one 'Good' high school. Meaning Merlin was now in high school with some of the same people he had grown up with… Arthur just happened to be one of them.

Merlin sighed. It was a Monday and his guardian was making him go to school. "Merlin , your food is getting cold AND YOU BETTER EAT IT!" Gaius shouted effectively getting him awake. Merlin sluggishly dragged himself out of bed and looked in the mirror. His breath left him. He was seeing it again like a mocking mirage. He laughed and dawned his red neck scarf and a white shirt with his black jeans and converse. Having a quick toke from his beauty Merlin grabbed the ironically red school blazer and moved to walk out the front door before Gaius-

"Where do you think you are going? " Asked his irate guardian. " To fuck a elephant." Merlin deadpanned. Gaiuss' eyes clouded at the language and blatant sarcasm. "I don't think so I'm driving you to school until I trust you to actually get there." Merlin rolled his eyes, and so the first year had begun.

The drive was silent till they reached the school. "Did you take your pills?" Gaius's eyes were still clouded. Merlin took out a bottle of 'Happy Pills' he was meant to take. Popping the cap and downing a couple he threw the bottle on the back seat before smiling at the driver's seat as if to say 'Yes I have'. A sound of frustration reached his ears as he hoped out the car and hesitated. Merlin thought of just walking away from the prison like school- He didn't. The bell rang signaling the start of first period.

It was like a dream-not a good one- just a fuzzy dream walking through the halls of Camelot High. Again.

Merlin managed to make it to the office without incident. "Hi, I'm Merlin, just transferred here from Victoria High?" He told the secretary who looked up and scoffed "A delinquent huh, this school might be- It says you were kicked out of Victoria." Merlin looked at her, he knew his file had been sealed so wasn't worried about them finding out anything. His guardian had thrown his Dads name around a bit to land him in school as appose to being a drop out. "Ya, nasty business Victoria but im here now and I promise not to fuck up your pretty school too much." Merlin replied with a shit eating grin . The pills had started to kick in. "Detention for language Mr…" sounded a voice behind him. Merlin groaned and turned " Mr. Pendragon Sir I apologize ." "Ah Merlin I take it, Please refrain from tarnashishing the good name of Camelot before I wonder if listening to Gaius was a mistake. Your detention will be on Wednesday , Be there."Mr. Pendragon Commanded before disappearing down the staff passage. "Welcome, Mr Ambrosius. We hope you enjoy your time here at dickwad High- Why thank you my lordship King clotpot of dickwad-" Merlin had been muttering to himself till he was handed his schedule by an affronted secretary . "Class 7B room number 304- I could get someone to- WHERE YOU GOING? Ahhg FINE!" Merlin had just taken his schedule and walked off. He knew where he was going.

Merlin opened the door and up to his Register teacher who looked a bit ..confused. "Who? Ah Mr Ambrosius Please come in ." Merlin almost cringed when the teacher smilled sweetly and shook his hand before clapping to gain the already gained attention. "Class, class this is Mr Ambrosius, Who will be joining us ,um would you like to introduce yourself?" Merlin desided to take pity on the poor teacher, "I'm Merlin … Hi." He said he was going to take pity on the teacher not tell his life story. Just then the class door opened and a blond haired guy entered. "Merlin?" He could die , if the principle was king then here was the Prince of Camelot – Arthur Pendragon AKA Merlins once best friend. It was almost as bad as being at the psyche ward. When Arthur spoke Merlin knew he was wrong. It was worse.

"What are you doing here? Where have you been? I heard about your dad I'm sorry how is Hunith taking it? Are you-" "Shut up" "Merlin, 'r you-" " _Shut up._ " Merlin pushed past Arthur into the hall way not noticing the gobsmaked expression. Two minutes later the bell rang. Not caring if he had a class he made his way to the bleachers by the football field. He wasn't high enough to deal with _Arthur_ of all people. Once under the Bleachers he dug out a joint he had rolled the night before and lit it. Putting in his earphones he took his first puff, then his second. A hour later found a much more chilled Merlin making his way to Chemistry, His favorite subject . Till he got paired with the blond haired fucker. He swore he would pay more attention in the future when lab partners are announced. "Merlin? It really is you isn't it?" Arthur had asked when he sat down. Merlin being as baked as he was didn't know or care who it was at first so just hummed in reply. "Merlin are you... ok" "Huh, oh ya chemistry. What we baking?" then Merlin promptly started giggling because bake… Baking... He was baked and would be baking.. if he could stop being distracted by that laugh he recognized so well if it was only pitcher in tone then it could belong to- Shit Arthur class.. Those thoughts sobered him to the point of standing and staring at the jerk no longer laughing. "Yes Mr…" "Leaving" It was one of his shortest lessons he had sat through High or not. His second shortest lesson was when he walked into calculus saw blond and walked out. He didn't return to lessons for the rest of the day.

When he got home he went straight to his room. He peered at the box of his old belonging and while knowing it was a bad idea he opened it. His vision was assaulted by picture of a small him laughing with a blond. He couldn't stop himself from remembering back before his father died. Back when he and the blond prick had been friends, back to primary school-

 _ **-FLASHBACK-**_

"Arrrthur, come on I want go to the park." Wined a 10 year old Merlin. "Help me carry this stuff then , Meeerlin" wined back Arthur. They laughed as they pulled the home made go-cart full of junk food which Arthur had bagged from his Farther to the park.

Merlin nodded at an older looking boy who nodded back and left a brown paper bag on the park bench. Merlin ran to the bench and grabbed the brown bag and put it in his rucksack. Arthur stopped and looked at Merlin, "What's that? Merlin it's not yours-"He was cut off by Merlin tackling him :"you just gonna stand there all day? Come help me set up the picnic!" Arthur had laughed and forgotten about the Mysterious brown bag in light of food.

 _ **-FLASHBACK END-**_

Merlin shoke his head and grabbed his beaut Anastasia, a sky blue bong. Yes he remembered Arthur, How the two of them had been inseparable how they had dreamt about finding a big house for just the two of them, how they would sneak onto the roofs or out to the parks and just watch the stars while speaking about almost everything. How during the holidays they would talk for hours on the phone when Arthur had been dragged to one island or the other by the Pendragon family. How they joked and laughed together. How Arthur never asked about that packet or the small bags which would be slipped to Merlin by Upperclassmen , how when Merlin started to miss class or arrive with a bruise or scratch Arthur would just ignore it. Then when Arthur was accepted into the football team and how they started to talk less and less. How when Merlins house was sold and no-one told Arthur because he had stopped visiting. When Merlin would disappear for weeks on end and Arthur stopped noticing. How when things had gotten so bad that Merlin tried to hang himself but was stopped by his mother only to survive getting his throat slit a month later. How when Merlin finally left the middle school and nothing was said about it. How Arthur just didn't know…and no longer cared.

How dare he pretend to care now. His mother was now dead just like his dad. Suicide… Ironic huh. His dad had been a drug addict getting Merlin to be the drug maul messenger. While entering him into illegal fights to pay for the drugs. Merlin had pushed him too hard during one of their fights. Belanor had slipped and cracked his head open… Hunith had blamed Merlin but refused to be left alone. She started to hit him if he didn't get her the drugs. She stopped him from hanging himself just to use the rope herself. He lived alone for the rest of his 7th year , fighting to pay the bills… he was evicted and lived on the streets for some time, somehow evading social services before trying to end it all by slitting his throat. Unluckily a paramedic saw this on her way home from work and managed to save his ass. He did have a nasty scar though so wore neck scarves. He had been admitted into the psyche ward as soon as he was stable. Constant suicide watch . He didn't tell them his name, he couldn't speak for a year and he didn't want to go back to his home town. He did his 8th year through the hospital. When he could speak and was deemed stable he was a ward of the state and put in an orphanage. He got sent to Victoria public delinquent school. He got kicked out two years later when he almost beat a kid to death. Gaius found him then, managing to get him into Camelot for his 11th year and back in his home town. Gaius never did find out everything…not many people did. Especially not ignorant Arthur.

' _Riing riiiing RIIIING'_ Dame that phone was annoying . " _Hello? Gaius Ealdor speaking, - Yes Merlin is my ward… No I was not aware- Yes sir, thank you for informing me- I will make sure it doesn't happen again… Yes I do know the consequences … Bye sir."_ " **DAMIT MERLIN** " Merlin sprung up from his bed and hid Anastatia in his closet looking around his room in a haze he realized that he couldn't do anything about the box with its content strewn across the floor … He didn't remember throwing that- The bed room door banged open. "Merlin." Gaius practically growled. "DT, Skipping lessons, BUNKING! And now this , Merlin its only your fist day for goodness sakes. Do you know how many calls I had to make to get you into that school, how many favors I needed to cash in. What am I meant to do you?"

Merlin looked at all the smoke that Gaius had been gesturing to and sighed. " Love me , feed me never leave me?" Merlin laughed out " _Merlin-_ " " I know this is serious, Im sorry okay , it was.. just a bit much." Merlin slumped on his bed. "This better be a onetime thing, come lets have supper" Gaius had sighed leaving the room.

Merlin sucked it up for the next month… Meaning he didn't bunk school… just some lessons. Arthur had tried to talk to him but had gotten stuck as they subjects were thin. Merlin had tolerated some of it. One day he walked into the school's cafeteria as he did have the munchies and ad left his lunch at home just to be dragged to a table full of people he vaguely recognized by a excited Prat. "Merlin! I think this is the first time I have seen you in the Cafeteria come meet my friends , I'm sure you will remember some from Primary school, though it has been a while? I have told them about you I hope you don't mind." Arthur had talked the whole way to the table . Merlin looked around at the people , Arthur was right … he did remember some- Not only from primary school either. One boy in particular with long flowing locks who looked at Merlin as though slapped in the face by an overripe carp. Merlin nodded in acknowledgement "Gwain-" The guy jumped out of his seat and enveloped Merlin in a crushing hug while practically yelling. "Emrys! Thank the lord you okay I thought for sure you were dead- Wha you doing here oh god you know Arthur how. Dude…" Now Arthur looked like he had been struck but a off carp, even more so when Merling closed his eyes , hugged back and chuckled. "G-man , it's been too long. So this is where you vanished to?" "Uh, ya.. I'm clean now ... " "Gwain clean?" Scoffed another familiar face " I'll believe that when he doesn't have a story of his latest conquest!" "Fuck me sideways and piss on the grave – Lancelot!" Merlin exclaimed looking at the outspoken brunet. Said brunet spat out his juice and while coughing choked out a reply "MERLIN!" "How do you know Merlin, Gwain? Lancelot? He hasn't been in town for ... a while." Arthur had plopped down on the bench next to a giant in football gear. "Well me and _Merlin_ go way back to two years back, before I got into the school, we had a common 9th year." Gwain commented while clearing a space for the 'new edition' .Lancelot looked a bit sheepish, "We met through a mutual friend during or 8th Year." "Lancy you've been holding out on me , Knowing the great Em-" " **Merlin** , Gwain my name is Merlin and Lance's friend was Will." The mood between the three got a bit tense at that till the giant man coughed and Lancelot gained some ground. "Merlin this is Percy the Back line on the field." "Wow do you all play Football now?" "Come on Merlin it is THE Camelot Knights you are among-" "So sorry sire let me get that for you!" Merlin intoned while grabbing the Biscuit in Arthurs hand and taking a bite ignoring the laughter and undignified 'HAY' from the prince himself. Merlin had forgotten how nice it was to joke with friends, he frowned, but they were from different worlds. Gwain might be out of that world but Emrys was not. Merlin in all his fuzzyness looked at Gwain , "Well done G-man – Lance." "Rys are you... shit you not out." Whispered Gwain. Merlin shook his head and made a highly stupid decision, he would talk to Gwain before he spilled to the jocks- Merlin rose leaning on the table to do so, he had their unwanted attention. "5th Period GG." Merlin basically commanded a nodding Gwain. Before grabbing the packet of biscuits and leaving with a hand wave.

As Merlin walked of Arthur looked on with a calculating stair. " Interesting friend you have there-"

"Very Interesting, so _GG?"_ Arthur toned while spinning to face the two guilty in his opinion party's.  
" Only he can call me that Arthur." Laughed Gwain while turning to Lancelot : "So you the mysterious 'Wills Friend' .. Thanks man." Laughed Gwain, Merlin had talked about Will's friend and how much he had helped Merlin. "He is a good kid even when he couldn't talk." "COULDN'T TALK!" Arthur shouted. Arthur looked in the direction his once best friend disappeared. 'What the hell happened while I wasn't looking' He wondered.

Only when the bell rang after 4th period did Arthur realize he forgot to ask about the cryptic message Gwain had been given. So he decided to follow him… out the school… to the sports field… towards the wisp of smoke by the bleachers.

Gwain didn't notice that someone had followed him as he slipped behind the bleachers to see Emrys snuffing out a joint. " Emrys, what you doing in Camelot? I thought you would have gotten yourself killed by now." "You sound disappointed GG, Got kicked out of Viccy. Old family friend found me." "GOT KICKED OUT OF VICCY? Bloody hell bong man what ya do, shank the principle?" "I WISH, Nah Shanked his son… might of blown up his car-" Gwain was now laughing "You shanked Mordrid? No wonder that bitch is in hospital and all they did was expel you?" "No conclusive evidence, they planted some drugs on me to satisfy the school governors. And Mordrids still comatose so he won't be talking anytime soon." "Rys dude how are you not dead or in prison." They both just laughed

Arthur almost let out a shout after hearing the conversation, how the fuck was Big eared Merlin laughing about what sounds like almost MURDER. How exactly did Gwain know him, and why was he constantly called Emrys? Well Arthur had money and would defiantly find out what happened to turn his childhood friend so… Deranged.

".. GG , Things got worse when you left- I'm being serous it was bottom of the line again. Yes they soon learned but it's good to see you, it's good that you clean. But I'm not out completely soon but not yet. And my name is actually Merlin.. I know, I know GG but I did tell you that Emrys was what I was just going as… Did you seriously think I had no surname?" Merlin Laughed as Gwain looked sheepish. "We cool?" "Heck Ye!"

It was two months after that that Arthur got any information on Emrys. Merlin had been sitting with them and had hesitantly becoming friends with 'the crowd' . They would only see each other at school though.

"Arthur , Are you okay?" Gwen asked when she saw him grin like a maniac at his phone. "Oh ya,ya I just got good news." Arthur had replied waving off the concern. "I'll meet you at practice, M'k" He directed to the team.

Arthur made his way to the school gym , this is where his contact wanted to meet him. As he walked in he saw a ratty dressed 'thug' who was shivering slightly despite the layers he was wrapped in and the 30 degrees weather. The person looked up " Ya g't da cash?" he asked while scratching his arm. "Um well that depends… you have the information?" Arthur hesitantly replied. "I will tell ya wha' ya w'nt. Fir da pr'ce." "Yeah sure here is half the cash and I will give you the rest once I have my information. You are the first person who is willing to actually give me answers." "Emrys is a dangerous man, He got pals eve'where. But I need the cash." The Guy had replied looking around the gym as if he expected 'Emrys' to appear. "A'right na listen up, Emerys has been a rising force since 6 ish years back, started 'ere rumor says. Small boy 'e is said to be bu' no peps cr'ss em en 'nd up whole, ya g't me. 'E runs a fair p'rt af da trading of recreation ye g't. uh few years b'ck he was gone fir ah year den day say that the Emrys debuted at ol' Viccy. Rumour has it 'h ain't there no more. N'w da cash?" The guy had wispared. Arthur looked at the shivering thug, He had expected a folder of details not a wispared summery but it was the best he had been able to find. The rest of the people he had asked had murmured that they knew nothing then quickly got away. "One more question." He told the man who looked to be older than him "Naw we had a deal." The thug said getting up and almost shadowing the young Arthur. "Just one!" Arthur had squicked though he will deny it. "Why is everyone afraid of him?" "'E owns the cage. D'nt get closs no ne'd to look for him. Why ya interested 'n 'em anyhow?" The thug questioned while taking the other half of cash. "I heard the name in relation to a friend and got curios." Arthur said sheepishly as the thug pushed past him on the way out the gym. The thug stopped at the door and turned slightly before talking : "Well d'nt be courios. Word ov advice ,run- no friend is wor'th 'im – 'E's a murderer kid." Arthur could have heard a pin drop in the silence that followed. The thug had left Arthur with more questions than answers and just before he left the gym Arthur had one thought 'Merlin is .He is worth it.'

Arthur was very distracted during the football practice that afternoon. So much so that they decided to end practice early. Arthur just couldn't stop thinking of the things the thug had said . How Emrys was a murderer, Gwain had called Merlin Emrys- Did that make Merlin a murderer?- Gwain had gone to Victoria Middle school , could that be Viccy? And did Merlin go there? He must of if he met Gwain in 9th grade but Merlin is only 16..so he would have been 10 when Emrys was first heard of so it can't be him can it? He was still friends with Arthur back then surly he would have noticed…something! Arthur still had a niggling feeling he had forgotten something.

The next day in class everyone was buzzing with the latest news, Merlin was asleep on his desk and Arthur wasn't paying much attention till someone's tablet was slid in front of him with the 'latest'. Arthur could feel his stomach drop. There had been a picture above the article of a before and after photo. It was the thug he had spoken to yesterday but he had been beat up to a inch of recognisation. Broken bones and a swollen face full of cuts. His head looked to have been wrapped. Gwen sat down , it was her tablet that had the article on it. "It's a shame, they say he was a drug addict, they found a blue pill with a E on it in his pocket- And that he snitched on some guy, the police won't say who though. I mean he looks like a though guy but the other guy must have been HUGE to have done that -even with a bat! Poor guy he is only 19 , two years older than us! Three years older then Merlin over there- Gwain why you glaring at him?" Gwen had prattled on with a serious case of verbal vomit. Arthur was slightly scared, he had spoken to this guy yesterday and all he had been told about was Emrys… He couldn't of known right, Arthur looked at Gwain who was still glaring at Merlin. NO Merlin couldn't have, that thug had been bigger then Arthur! And Merlin WASN'T EMRYS DAMMIT!

In the second lesson of the day Merlin was dragged to the field by Gwain. He could have easily shaken him off but decided that Gwain had wanted to say something to him all day and the field was more private. Merlin had chosen to be sober today as he had a bit of a concussion from last night. Once they were on the field Merlin dug his heals in the ground and stopped causing Gwain to stumble and grab onto his blazer to stop from falling. "G, I'm here so- Let go." Merlin had deadpanned when Gwain had stood and furiously griped Merlins neckline. Gwain did let him go when he was leveled with an indifferent stare. "What the fuck Emrys- That guy… It was you, I know it was!"Gwain had practically growled. "I have no idea what you are talking about." " _Merlin_ , don't you fucking dare lie to me, your knuckles are BRUISED and I know the E-pill is YOUR signature for fucks sake!" "They needed an example before they forgot." Merlin stated "Rys! They guy was hardly recognizable-""You would have had no problem two years ago _GG_ , fuck you would of probably helped me finish the job!" Merlin snapped. It was true Gwain had practically been Emrys's right hand. "That was then- That was in Viccy." Gwain rasped. "You to good for that now? You a bigshot football player! Can't handle getting shit done-" "Rys-" "No G, you LEFT me don't forget that , you might of become a better man but don't forget who you are speaking to! Viccy might have been a _Phase_ in your pitiful life that you can try and run away from but that shit HAPPENED-" Merlin's head snapped to the side when Gwain punched him. Gwain looked at his hand in shock "See GG it's a part of you." Chuckled Merlin. Gwain furled his fist and swang for another punch. It was caught by Merlin. He growled "Gwain, the first one I can forgive-" "Fraya was wrong! You are a monster!" Gwain had tears in his eyes as he screamed at Merlin. Then the fight started. Punches were thrown as was insults.

Arthur was in Study hall when he heard a chant and followed it onto the field- 'FIGHT' 'FIGHT' 'FIGHT' was being yelled but all Arthur could see was two of his _friends_ beating the crap out of each other.

Gwain fell and didn't get back up Merlin was standing looking down with sad eyes as Gwain glared up as he held his ankle- Arthur got closer – "What? not going to finish the job? **DO I MEAN NOTHING TO YOU**! You monster." Gwain was crying as he sneared up. Merlin swung his leg back then and as Gwain sucked in a breath Merlin kicked him in the face. Gwain fell to his back... unconscious. Merlin walked away, the crowd parted for him. He had a split lip and a bruise on his cheek. There were more bruises but they were covered by his clothes. Yet Merlin's eyes were the worst… they held no emotion just icy indifference.

Arthur ran up to Gwain and checked his pulse he didn't think Merlin would kill him but he didn't know anymore. He felt the steady beat as Percy, Lancelot, Leon, Elyan and Gwen descended through the crowed . "HOLY SHIT GWAIN?" Someone had shouted .

"Is he okay?"

"Was there a fight?"

"Did _Gwain_ Lose?"

"I have **never** seen Gwain lose!"

"Who did this?"

"Who must we kill?"

"NO-ONE IS BEING KILLED!" Shouted Arthur at last.

"Chill man it's just a expression, we are not going to kill the dude." Leon said trying to calm what looked like a slightly hysterical Arthur. Elyan saw that the crowed had dispersed and that Gwain was despite all okay- "Arthur you got here first, you must of seen who did this." "Merlin." Wispared Arthur. "Excuse me!" Percy asked not believing his ears. "Merlin did it OKAY!" Arthur shouted. "FUCK MERLIN! SHIT shit, Arthur you have to tell me where he went… NOW!" Lance was frantic. He remembered what it was like when Merlin fought a friend.. it didn't happen often outside the cage. "I don't know-" "Arthur THINK-" "I DON'T KNOW , he just walked off . I was like he had no emotion." "Fuck! I will see you at practice, look after Gwain." Lancelot said while walking off flipping open his cell. Elyan looked up , "Where you going?" "To find Merlin BEFORE he does something stupid." Was the reply.

They got Percy to carry Gwain to the fields changing rooms . After 30minutes Gwain started to wake up. He groaned, "God it feels like I drunk a bar out of business!" "Im afraid that's not what happened-" "I do remember Leon, God Im such a idiot! Where is he?" Gwain sat up and remembered his ankle…it was sprained. Arthur looked at him " You know he is the one that did this right?" "Yes, yes it was stupid of me to pick a fight with _him_ of all people. But where is the idiot? Fuck I didn't think he would knock me OUT!" Gwen had gotten bandages and some water so Gwain was bandaging his ankle. Its not like he hadn't sprained it before… Victoria was a safety hazard! "Calm down , Lance went after him though I don't know why-" Gwens phone rang in the middle of her sentence . It was Lacelot. "Hi Sweet- Yes he is- Ok- Could you let me fin- FINE!" "Lance would like to speak to you Gwain apar-" The phone had been snatched out her hand and Gwain Was listening to Gwens Boyfriend freak out on the other end. "Lance, LANCE! LISTEN, Feya, I mentioned Freya…Im sorry-" The phone got disconnected and Gwain dropped in into his lap … he had tears in his eyes.

Lance trew his phone into the back of the car, "DAMMIT!" He shouted while slamming his hands into the stering wheel. Feya's grave was in the same town as Victoria school and the Orphanage where Merlin had been living for Two years. It was a 3 hour drive. Lance put his car in gear and drove off to where he knew Merlin would go he just hoped Merlin wouldn't be stupid.

The group had mad a ananomous desition to go to Arthurs place and order pizza after a hour had passed and nothing had changed. "Gwain are you Ok , your ankle looks swollen and you flinch when you move-" "its nothing I haven't delt with before." He snapped "sorry"

"Listen I personally would like some fucking answers and I'm sure they would like the same… Who is Freya ?" Arthur asked when everyone was settled on the couch , " In fact I would like to know how _Merlin_ of all people was able to flatten your ass in what sound like ten minutes flat!" There was nods echoed around the room. Gwain sighed " Freya **was** the only person I believe Rys- _Merlin_ ever loved. And the reason I left Victoria-" "Merlin had a girlfriend? What do you mean was?" Gwen yelled. They looked at her in shock. "What, I didn't know he was bi?" This statement was followed by outcry.

"Bi- What do you mean bi?"

"Of cause he had a girlfriend he is a guy… Wait bi?"

"Why do you think he is Bi?"

"Hey,hey… ALRIGHT I CAUGHT HIM MAKING OUT WITH SOME DUDE IN GRADE 7!" Gwen had successfully quieted the room with her exclamation… "That- actually explains a lot." Gwain said. The rest had no comment. Arthur turns back to Gwain. "Why did you say was, did she break up with him?" "No..She died-" The room silenced for the second time that afternoon.

Merlin had made his way strait home to his room after about ten minutes and after a packet of shrooms and a couple of hits, Merlin found himself on his bike zooming towards his old town . towards the orphanage, towards Freya. He ended up at her grave in just over 2 hours. He shouted out about his stupidity, How that Gwain was right he WAS a monster. That he should of died . How come Freya wouldn't show herself to him when even the sunbeams have come out to dance is it because he's a monster? He started to yell at the Sunbeam people telling them to get away because he destroys everything he touches. The shrooms had kicked in. Yet still he didn't see her, he could hear her but not see her. Merlin ripped open his bag and tore of a LSD patch. He had an order for a couple of strips he was going to sell after school. He couldn't care less he NEEDED to see her. He took one and when that didn't work he took another and finished a second packet of shrooms. Then he sat against her headstone staring at the lake. He ignored the fay that had gathered around him trying to enticed him to join them in conversation. He didn't care about them he just wanted Freya, his Lady of the Lake. And after ten minutes she came and he cried. She was like a goddess rising from the middle of the lake a dress made of silk cascading down her form and melting into the water, a crystal head piece adorned her dark hair her voice a melody on the wind. she walked on top of the water coming to greet him, as she got closer Merlin could smell her forest perfume as clear as the day she died. " _Merlin."_ He could feel the tears roll down his face, this was the first time he could hear her voice since she had died. The spoke and danced and joked. Merlin laughed and reveled his worrys. He cried to her about hurting Gwain, about lieing to Arthur and the rest. It ahd been half an hour and Merlin could see the fey start to disappear so he reached for his backpack, and was stopped by Freyas hand on his wrist. " _Don't Merlin, you have had enough. Anymore and I'm afraid-"_ "But Freya , you will disappear. I don't want you to leave." " _Merlin, its not your time to join me. Everything will disappear eventually… try be the last one standing Merlin-"_ "But-" " _No, Listen . Do this for me! Please Merls, Live for me."_ Merlin watched as his first love floated to the water and started to sink . He ran after her into the lake. Her torso was disappearing till she was gone. Merlin screamed for her to come back and was about to get more LSD when he heard her voice on the wind. " _I will always love you, My warlock."_ He yelled for her to come back and waded to where he last saw Freya disappear and just stood there waist deep in the lake screaming. The water danced around him and the wind laughed.

This is how lance found him. In the middle of the lake muttering to himself and occasionally screaming at something. It had taken Lancelot Near to 4 Hours to get there. He ran to the lake and pulled Merlin out. He still seemed to be tripping and didn't notice Who lance was. Merlin muttered to himself and screamed when he was touched making getting him into the car increasingly difficult. Four hours later found the duo at Arthurs where Merlin looked at the house with a inkling off recognition. The trip had mostly worn off. He was just quite and a bit to complacent. His clothes were still wet but no longer dripping. His lips were going blue.

It was 5 o'clock in the afternoon. It wasn't a warm day in any case. Arthur had offered his many gaust rooms as beds for the night. Gauis had been called and informed that Merlin would be staying the night , his response had puzzled Arthur. "Thank god that boy is safe, I had given up on him telling me anything- He is out most nights-I don't even see him on weekends!- and only tonight do I get a call. It's like he forgets people care!" Luckly it was a Friday night.

When Merlin walked into the living room full of people he didn't notice, his eyes were clouded over. His skin was sickly pale. He still had a split lip which stood as a stark contact to the bruise on his cheek which had almost blended in with his skin tone. The people had notice though. "Rys-" Started Gwain but stopped when Merlin flinched. "Lance, do you have his bag?" "Ya, Why ? What you need?" He asked while tossing the now closed bag to Gwain who opened it , gasped, then started rummaging around the inside occationaly taking out some pill bottles to read the lables before shouting in triumph. Gwain pulled out a white bottle which had a big yellow smily sticker plasted over the lable and laughed while tossing the bottle at Merlins head. Despite common thought Merlin did catch the bottle before it hit his head , looked at the sticker , popped the cap and had a few. "Merlin , that's not how you ment to take them." Said an exasperated Lancelot. There was no answer. Arthur lead Merlin to his room. "Merlin you need to change, You can use some of my clothes or you ARE going to be sick." After getting him some clothes Arthur left to get merlins back. The bag was still open. The rest had gone to get supper leaving just the two of them. He remembered the amount of stuff that had been pulled out while looking for the pills and desided not to scratch. Arthur did see a brown paper bag inside while zipping the backpack. He droped it as though he had been burn't. Arthur now remembered a similar brown packet when he was 11, And a 10 year old back stuffing it into a backpack. He sat. When Merlin entered the room he was wearing a cotton pajama set. Without his neck tie. "How long?" Arthur had asked when Merlin had sat. "For?" "How long have you been handling drugs?" Arthur asked , his hands gripping the armchair. "Since 5th grade I think." Arthur frowened. "Why didn't _I_ notice?" "Im good at my job" Smirked Merlin; "Besides I didn't start **using** till after Hunith died." "Hunith? Your mom? She's dead?" "Um well ya I live with Guise. You remember him?" Arthur looked at Merlin who was now rubbing his neck… the scar on his neck. "What happened? Merls. What the fuck happened." He whispered close to tears when he realized he didn't remember much about Merlins life. "Well, after you got accepted into the football team we kind of .. drifted. Dad died. Mom died. I ran. But that's okey im here now." Merlin smiled. It didn't reach his eyes. "Merlin. You almost died… How are you okay with that!" "I's not like it the first-" Merlin stoped at Arthur gasped. "Not the first time! The fuck.. WHAT? Talk… Now Merlin." "Still a prat as ever I take it?" " _Mer_ lin." Arthur practically growled. "Calm down Sire, It is in thwe past." "Your neck?" "Um it happened a bit after Hunith passed-" "What happened Merlin? I do care …" "Could of fooled me." Merlin scoffed. "My neck got sliced… I was 'saved'." Arthur sat silently trying to process it. " I DO care Idiot- Why would you ever think otherwise?" "That's what you got out of that! Wow I confece to almost killing myself and all you hear is 'I don't think YOU care'." " KILL YOURSELF! YOU-YOU SLIT YOUR OWN THROUGHT!?" Arthur jumped out his chair and focused his eyes on the pale scar. Merlin seemed to shrink into his chair. "Okay so you are just dense then."


End file.
